A Fulfilling Family Law Practice:  Giving our clients a choice to divorce collaboratively

Accomplishments give us a sense of fulfillment as attorneys.  Considering that a purpose for the money we make from our practice is to feed our peace of mind, our satisfaction and enjoyment and the satisfaction and enjoyment of our families, the experience of fulfillment from the results we produce from our practice has great value. 

Commonly, we develop our skills in winning cases in the Court system. The fulfillment of winning a case is temporary when you have to stay in gear and compete in other matters.

 I want to invite you to a whole new level of fulfillment from your family law practice.  This level of fulfillment lasts you a lifetime.  The fulfillment that comes from practicing collaborative practice gives you the confidence and the patience that will feed the other collaborative cases. 

When you know you are doing what is best for your client, there is a fulfilling sense of self that is undeniable.  Let’s look at the world that we provide for our clients.  Imagine you were one of your clients in a court case.

You are sitting on the bench outside Department 62 of the Los Angeles Courthouse.  You are so anxious, nervous, scared, and worried about what the other side has in store for you, what you will be accused of , and what will the Judge decide that day. Your fate is in the hands of a stranger who is judging you.  Your attorney is laughing and joking with the other attorneys in the hall.  You feel alone and out of place.  After being accused and blamed by opposing counsel and your spouse, you now feel embarrassed, small, and humiliated on top of everything else.

Imagine going through these experiences for the years that litigation takes, as you watch all the savings you had as a couple being spent on attorney fees, and expert fees, and legal costs. The worst of it is that your children are dealing with hostility and complaints from each parent toward the other.  You are now perhaps afraid of your child and whether he or she will want to live with the other parent.  You are afraid that your 14 year old can testify against you.  You feel like you are losing everything including your power to parent.

All that matters to you, health, family, finances are compromised.  You have no control; you are and will be paying an unpredictable amount of money and time to receive an unpredictable and uncontrollable outcome.

Now, let’s compare the collaborative process.  Your collaborative attorney, you and your spouse and his collaborative attorney are sitting in a small conference room.  Your relationship coach is sitting next to you to support you.  Both attorneys’ attention are with you and your spouse.  You are offered fruits, sweets, tea, and coffee.  They both are making sure you are comfortable.  You feel respected.  You are asked by your spouse’s attorney to speak about what you think will work as an outcome and what matters to you.  When you say all the things you need to say, all the people in the room listen to you and validate you.  Your spouse does not interrupt, because you were both taught how to listen and not interrupt. 

When your spouse starts speaking about what he thinks will work for him, you have the peace of mind that you don’t have to defend yourself.  You have learned to listen to him without worrying about yourself.  You finally can hear him. You know the process will not end in an outcome unless the outcome is acceptable to both of you. You have control over the outcome.

You realize and learn what has been the real experience of your spouse.  A lot of weight is lifted off of you as you realize you added so much unnecessary stress that you can let go of.  You have the communication with your spouse with the help of the team that you could not have had before the collaborative divorce process.  You and your spouse are working together to plan for the children. 

You have learned to respect each other in the process; so you take it home to your kids.

Now, I am not saying it is all peace and roses in the collaborative process.  In fact, many times we deal with anger and rage and upset of the clients.  All of that has to come up in the process  does come up.  What is the great value of the process, is that you are not alone dealing with all of it;  you are supported by the collaborative team that provide the safe space for all that needs to come up to come up.

You both got into the marriage together; it takes teamwork to get out of this marriage.  You may with communication resolve everything and get into a new marriage with each other, or the two of you will resolve everything and dissolve the marriage together as a team.

The ingredients of a peaceful divorce or a new marriage with your spouse includes acceptance, acknowledgment, forgiveness, and actions to build trust.

Tolerating, avoiding, or fighting makes the trap even tighter.  You can’t get out in one peace unless you work on the relationship together.

With the Collaborative process, you have a team working with you to enable you to bring back the communication, acceptance, acknowledgement and trust that will have you be a team again and finalize your divorce peacefully, cost-effectively, and carefully.

Michelle Daneshrad, Esq.

Completion Law Firm

www.completionlawfirm.com

You are sitting on the bench outside Department 62 of the Los Angeles Courthouse.  You are so anxious, nervous, scared, and worried about what will the Judge decide that day.  Your fate is in the hands of a stranger who is judging you.  Your attorney is laughing and joking with the other attorneys in the hall.  You feel alone and out of place.  After being accused and blamed by opposing counsel and your spouse, you now feel embarrassed, small, and humiliated on top of everything else.

Imagine going through these experiences for the years that litigation takes, as you watch all the savings you had as a couple being spent on attorney fees, and expert fees, and legal costs. The worst of it is that your children are dealing with hostility and complaints from each parent toward the other.  That is the damage that you cannot undone.

All that matters to you, health, family, finances are compromised for an unpredictable and uncontrollable outcome in the process of litigation that can go on for years.

Now, let’s compare the collaborative process.  Your collaborative attorney, you and your spouse and his collaborative attorney are sitting in a small conference room.  Your relationship coach is sitting next to you to support you.  Both attorneys’ attention are with you and your spouse.  You are offered fruits, sweets, tea, and coffee.  They both are making sure you are comfortable.  You feel respected.  You are asked by your spouse’s attorney to speak about what you think will work as an outcome and what matters to you.  When you say all the things you need to say, all the people in the room listen to you and validate you.  Your spouse does not interrupt, because you were both taught how to listen and not interrupt. 

When your spouse starts speaking about what he thinks will work for him, you have the peace of mind that you don’t have to defend yourself.  You have learned to listen to him without worrying about yourself.  You finally can hear him. You know the process will not end in an outcome unless the outcome is acceptable to both of you.  You have the communication with your spouse with the help of the team that you could not have had before the collaborative divorce process.  You and your husband are working together to plan for the children. 

You have learned to respect each other in the process; so you take it home to your kids.

Consider that you have a lot of complaints in that area. Complaints about how it shouldn’t be or how it ought to be. You probably have a convincing story to support a view that there is no hope and it can not be done. Convincing others and therefore further being convinced that there is no hope; you have tried everything. Things are just how they shouldn’t be.

Now let’s look at areas of your life where things are working well; or you are even thriving. You will find that you have a powerful will in that area. You are confident and proud that you are cause in the matter of it.

I say focus on what is working and let what is not working air out.

I do not mean forget about what you want. I do not mean give up. I mean never give up. But bring your will to replace your complaint.

How do you do that in an area that is not working. You are willing to nurture and be patient and confident with whatever it is in that area that is working. You water and focus on the seed of possibility in that area and that seed will grow into a huge tree; however long it takes.

Your life can be guided by your will and things will work out when you choose your will over your complaint every moment.

That is how collaborative practice is constructive. We bring patience, respect, and will to conflict resolution. Completion Law Firm – transforming the role of lawyers.

For more information, contact me today.

Having gone through a nasty divorce costing over $500,000 in legal fees and five years of battle, I vowed to become an attorney who listens to and delivers what makes a real difference in my clients’ lives and other people who are facing divorce or dissolution of partnerships.

I can’t change the past, but I can use what I have learned  to contribute to the future of many.   So I am dedicated to making a difference for people who are dealing with legal disputes through public speaking and through collaborative law practice and mediation.

So I ask you to ask yourself, in dealing with disputes, are you investing your future in your past?

How many conflicts do you deal with during the day?

In dealing with your conflicts or disputes, do you think before you act?  Do you choose what you are doing?

When I was facing going through my divorce, I was very afraid. I thought I need to find the most aggressive lawyer I can to represent me.  So I hired a very aggressive lawyer.   I had no say in how things were going to be handled or what is important to me.  My divorce became more hostile and complicated.  My children who are the most valuable part of my life were most impacted.

How much effort and time do you spend in exploring options for dealing with your legal matter? Do you think about investing in your future when dealing with conflicts?  Consider that you already and automatically have decided to fight or flight when dealing with conflicts. The response is automatic, so there is no consideration about your wants for the future.  Many of us immediately look for the most aggressive lawyer to take charge of our case.

Do you see how you are not focused on the future and it is the past that is guiding you in dealing with a conflict?

You may say that well I am trying to avoid the past repeating itself.  Then do you see that you are focused on “not this again.”  Do you see how you are dominated by avoiding domination?  You are not exploring what you want in your future.  What you are doing is investing your future in the past.

If you want to be free from the past, here is my suggestion.

1. Put the dispute aside first.
2. Ask yourself what you want for yourself  in the future?
3. Focus on the details of what you want
4. Ask yourself what way of dealing with the dispute would best serve the future you want for yourself.

What would your life be like if you focused on the future you want for yourself.  How would you deal with the dispute focused on the future?

At Completion Law Firm, our intention is completing the past and completing disputes with the focus on your future.

For more information, contact me today.

As a collaborative lawyer, I trained myself to focus on what really matters to people.  My client may be very mad, angry, and resentful; taking money from him/her to fight his/her spouse does not serve my client’s interest.

I trained myself to listen for what would make sense for my client’s case and what will make this journey of divorce as less costly as possible.  By cost, I mean hurt, pain, and stress to children involved as well as the parties and their finances.

In the process of training, I am able to notice all family fueds or work related arguments, as really making a mountain out of a molehill.

It is human to react; and anything that you react to gets bigger.

For more information, contact me today.

“CHILDREN”

Your children are best protected through the Collaborative process or mediation.

“PEACE OF MIND”

Do away with stress and humiliation of litigation.

“POWER”

You control the outcome.

“RESPECT”

You are respected and listened to in the Collaborative process.