Many people have decide to stay in a bad marriage to avoid falling into the nightmare of divorce litigation.  I say there is no way out other than to bring back communication, build back the trust, and both of you dissolve or resolve your marriage.

You both got into the marriage together; it takes teamwork to get out of this marriage.  You may with communication resolve everything and get into a new marriage with each other, or the two of you will resolve everything and dissolve the marriage together as a team.

The ingredients of a peaceful divorce or a new marriage with your spouse includes acceptance, acknowledgment, forgiveness, and actions to build trust.

Tolerating, avoiding, or fighting makes the trap even tighter.  You can’t get out in one peace unless you work on the relationship together.

With the Collaborative process, you have a team working with you to enable you to bring back the communication, acceptance, acknowledgement and trust that will have you be a team again and finalize your divorce peacefully, cost-effectively, and carefully.

Michelle Daneshrad, Esq.

Completion Law Firm

www.completionlawfirm.com

Litigation or Collaborative Divorce? Choose. The Difference: One Sample at a Time

You are sitting on the bench outside Department 62 of the Los Angeles Courthouse.  You are so anxious, nervous, scared, and worried about what will the Judge decide that day.  Your fate is in the hands of a stranger who is judging you.  Your attorney is laughing and joking with the other attorneys in the hall.  You feel alone and out of place.  After being accused and blamed by opposing counsel and your spouse, you now feel embarrassed, small, and humiliated on top of everything else.

Imagine going through these experiences for the years that litigation takes, as you watch all the savings you had as a couple being spent on attorney fees, and expert fees, and legal costs. The worst of it is that your children are dealing with hostility and complaints from each parent toward the other.  That is the damage that you cannot undone.

All that matters to you, health, family, finances are compromised for an unpredictable and uncontrollable outcome in the process of litigation that can go on for years.

Now, let’s compare the collaborative process.  Your collaborative attorney, you and your spouse and his collaborative attorney are sitting in a small conference room.  Your relationship coach is sitting next to you to support you.  Both attorneys’ attention are with you and your spouse.  You are offered fruits, sweets, tea, and coffee.  They both are making sure you are comfortable.  You feel respected.  You are asked by your spouse’s attorney to speak about what you think will work as an outcome and what matters to you.  When you say all the things you need to say, all the people in the room listen to you and validate you.  Your spouse does not interrupt, because you were both taught how to listen and not interrupt. 

When your spouse starts speaking about what he thinks will work for him, you have the peace of mind that you don’t have to defend yourself.  You have learned to listen to him without worrying about yourself.  You finally can hear him. You know the process will not end in an outcome unless the outcome is acceptable to both of you.  You have the communication with your spouse with the help of the team that you could not have had before the collaborative divorce process.  You and your husband are working together to plan for the children. 

You have learned to respect each other in the process; so you take it home to your kids.

Do you have areas in your life where you feel trapped, frustrated, resigned, or hopeless?

Consider that you have a lot of complaints in that area. Complaints about how it shouldn’t be or how it ought to be. You probably have a convincing story to support a view that there is no hope and it can not be done. Convincing others and therefore further being convinced that there is no hope; you have tried everything. Things are just how they shouldn’t be.

Now let’s look at areas of your life where things are working well; or you are even thriving. You will find that you have a powerful will in that area. You are confident and proud that you are cause in the matter of it.

I say focus on what is working and let what is not working air out.

I do not mean forget about what you want. I do not mean give up. I mean never give up. But bring your will to replace your complaint.

How do you do that in an area that is not working. You are willing to nurture and be patient and confident with whatever it is in that area that is working. You water and focus on the seed of possibility in that area and that seed will grow into a huge tree; however long it takes.

Your life can be guided by your will and things will work out when you choose your will over your complaint every moment.

That is how collaborative practice is constructive. We bring patience, respect, and will to conflict resolution. Completion Law Firm – transforming the role of lawyers.

For more information, contact me today.